Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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