who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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