It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.