Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
