dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.