He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
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So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.