I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"