His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
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he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck