I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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