You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral