i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
