I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
