You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She's the barista slut.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
