I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
