He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
