Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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