xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We got so high we made milksteak
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
