I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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