I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize