I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
