She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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