My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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