high people should be assigned attendants
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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