I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
