my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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