My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
