Pappa wants mamma naked
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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