I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
false alarm, still single
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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