Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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