Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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