a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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