Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize