How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
