My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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