i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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