Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
