my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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