We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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