it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
