The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
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Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
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She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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