Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
