i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
