as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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