Please, let me fuck your mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
