go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
