I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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