I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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