1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Pants are for mortals
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
