So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
