Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
not ubering you a puppy
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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