note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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