shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
