where does the pee come out of this thing
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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