Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How does one acquire holy water?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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