Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
