I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
