I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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