they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
