Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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