omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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