the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
