so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
