I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
