We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
