i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I want a musical about memes.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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