there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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