Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
