she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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