the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"