Texts From Last Night

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  (386): View more from Florida

  No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.

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  (386): No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable. http://tfl.nu/h3dd
  Replies (13) Good night (558) Bad night (1946)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me

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  (801): so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me http://tfl.nu/is24
  Replies (81) Good night (8603) Bad night (1001)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"

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  (216): she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm" http://tfl.nu/ofag
  Replies (20) Good night (4623) Bad night (1062)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.

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  (859): the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything. http://tfl.nu/cxc9
  Replies (9) Good night (1906) Bad night (2123)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth

  (323): View more from California

  Gross

  (818): View more from California

  AN ACTUAL PICKLE

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  (818): So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth (323): Gross (818): AN ACTUAL PICKLE http://tfl.nu/hdiy
  Replies (7) Good night (1880) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I am lonely and I want to touch your beard

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  (917): I am lonely and I want to touch your beard http://tfl.nu/xi4z
  Replies (8) Good night (1604) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.

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  (206): Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended. http://tfl.nu/3jtg
  Replies (6) Good night (789) Bad night (655)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.

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  (610): I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels. http://tfl.nu/rc9i
  Replies (9) Good night (863) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"

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  (336): I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body" http://tfl.nu/dnkv
  Replies (8) Good night (1948) Bad night (522)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.

  (406): View more from Montana

  YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.

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  (570): HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS. (406): YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE. http://tfl.nu/futb
  Replies (2) Good night (702) Bad night (214)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.

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  (505): He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself. http://tfl.nu/17i2
  Replies (0) Good night (285) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.

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  (610): I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker. http://tfl.nu/5fnr
  Replies (1) Good night (857) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.

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  (505): She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem. http://tfl.nu/rpgs
  Replies (1) Good night (962) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS

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  (717): IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS http://tfl.nu/i9d5
  Replies (3) Good night (585) Bad night (245)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...

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  (314): mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again... http://tfl.nu/jopn
  Replies (4) Good night (347) Bad night (511)

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