Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.