he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.