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• (785): View more from Kansas

  whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick

  Fav 64 8063 2172

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• (209): View more from California

  Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.

  Fav 5 4120 1033

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• (707): View more from California

  Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums

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• (207): View more from Maine

  There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (937): View more from Ohio

  I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup

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