whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup