i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.