dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
