I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
